MMXI - the road goes over on

Thirty-one million, five hundred and thirty-six thousand. The amount of seconds I've lived this year; we've all lived this year. I can't quite put into words how I feel, looking back over each second, each minute, each hour. How do you describe hope? How do you describe the way God works? How do you describe being lifted out of despair? I like to think to myself that there are words not even discovered in language that describe God. Perhaps they're too beautiful, too magnificent, too mind-boggling.

For me, it's been a year of new experiences, new troubles, new joys. I've learned more about myself, about God, about love. They say the teenage years are some of the hardest...You're still growing, physically, emotionally. You don't process things in the same way as adults; everything seems like a big deal at the time. I've experienced that -- played up on the melodrama, let emotions run wild, caught up in a vicious cycle of self-pity. Am I alone in this? Perhaps and quite frankly, very likely, even as an adult, you still don't have things figured out. Life is still perplexing.

What did the author of Lamentations say?

"My soul is bereft of peace;

I have forgotten what happiness is..."

What did Job say?

"What is my strength, that I should wait?

And what is my end, that I should be patient?

Is my strength the strength of stones,

or is my flesh bronze?

Have I any help in me,
when resource is driven from me?"

What did David say?

"How long, O LORD?

Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?"

This isn't meant to be some pity-party and pick out Bible characters who questioned their faith. The list does go on however -- Jonah, Moses, Thomas...This is a reminder that trusting God isn't easy. That's what faith is all about isn't it? Putting aside reason and fact and blatant proof, and taking the leap. It's looking beyond our circumstances and giving up control. We've heard that phrase - "Let go, let God". Are we living out it's simple truth?

2010 has been an interesting year full of its sorrows and joys. At times I felt like giving up, at times I doubted. "Help my unbelief, Lord!" But I still keep pressing on, because I know that God has beautiful things in mind for my life. Isn't that what He promised in Romans 8 and 1st Corinthians 2? I can't see around the bend in the road, but I'm excited. Are you?

"...And I think the moment you say

'we know beyond a shadow of a doubt this exists’,

you can’t have faith that it exists.

Faith is no longer possible.

So faith is only possible when doubt is possible.

Faith is only possible when humility and wonder are possible."